Monday, November 23, 2015


I like that. not the state of being, but the ache the word implies.

Yeah, it's been a helluva couple weeks. I don't really have a nice story for you. I threw up blood for 3 days straight. Time distended and I entered a fugue state, a shamanistic moment of hyperawareness and complete and utter GIVING IN to whatever oblivion awaits me.
Of course, the doctor's have other terms they use to describe this state. My favorite is one I made up myself "fatally dehydrated." Eventually I went to the hospital, barely standing, and they hooked me up to a bevy of essential fluids and thus, I remained on this mortal coil.
Fun, you say? Oh, you don't know the half of it...
All of my problems, self-inflicted and fate-inflicted coming home to roost their fat greedy bodies. The demons need to feed. So they sucked a bunch of life out of me, but I'm still here. Building my strength back up, reflecting heavily on my life, where it's led me, what the hell do I wanna do with the rest of it, and how much time do I want to do it with. Well, I can be a greedy bastard myself, so I'm trying to keep it going a while longer, and maybe even be able to use where I've been and who I've been when I'm there.
Your English is wonderful. You write like a poet.
And thus the circle begins.
Change is good. Need a fresh start on certain things. Trying to recharge my creative battery. I tested it and it was nearly completely drained. No more!

Of course... you are allowed to use "mater"! Well, my stepfather killed himself because of his schizophrenic psychosis... all the people around me have a broken psyche/soul…----

----... suicide by kiss.... (my heart stops beating by the very thought of it!)
If my lil' castle would be much bigger, i'd ask you if you wanna come over to stay here for a little while. I realized you need a new home... maybe a place where you and your racing soul can find a docking point... ... etc.
... i'd love to cling onto your shoulder!!!
----Did you know that... ... you are like a plaster? You're sticking on my heart like a plaster that sticks together with an open sore. Oh, it really hurts if i try to remove that one... ... if i try to pull you off of my heart. Can you feel the pain? Can you see how it bleeds? ... ... so, every little break, every moment where i cannot read you... ... it hurts... as much as a torn off plaster!

I choose not to forget. It's right above me, perched there. Head darts - quizzically. Exaggeration is often a veil disguising the truth. Underneath - pulsing, racing, searching for rest.
I feel bad I can not speak to you in your native tongue as eloquently as you speak to me in mine.
You've got a leg up on me, young lady. But I don't mind.

Can a sigh cross an ocean? Can a bird outfly time?
Imagination is the only escape from drudgery.
A hand can eclipse the sun. Wave, and wave.
How tall are you? (and how much does your brain weigh?)
And do you dance around your room a lot? I bet that's a heart-stopping sight.

... .............. What a wonderful brainfuck (i love you for this...)! ... still moaning.

... do you have a bicycle? You look so fit... ... so, get your ass on the saddle and pedal as fast as you can! OR you can lasso a trailer hitch...
I'll wait here for you.
BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT ... DON'T dare to sell your record collection!!!

"The Pubococcygeus muscle controls urine flow and contracts during orgasm."

Someday your prince will come and all those tears will create a lovely lake, right behind your house. And there will be wine and cheese for everyone.

You're the K.I.L.L.E.R.!!! Fuck... this picture............ i'm gonna die now!

nononono "she makes things fly 'n she maked things roll/she got me way over here 'n I'm hungry 'n cold"

.......... but first you've to drink 5 liters of water - you're too dry to hold me... i bet your arms will be starting to melt when i start crying. i guess they're powdery now, without all that sweat.......

Ask yourself: Would you ever make that leap?
I did, I have, I will again. Falling on my face is something I do fairly gracefully. It has paid off before, but this time - broken nose/wounded pride. I hope you work your thing out. I suppose you will remain a ghost in my memory, never quite solid, never quite real. A whisper from the other side of the world.

Your life isn't worthless. But I know how you feel. I wish I could press that into your body. I wish I could have a chance to impress you. I can't imagine being more in love with someone I'll never meet.

My lord, woman, do you make me ache for something I've never even known. Oh how I wish I could help you escape your chains. I've got other plans for your arms and legs.

Still vaguely in love with you, you gorgeous ghost you.

... it's horrible that people steadily only apprehend/realize the negative statements in their life and in the same time they totally missed/ ignored the words and signs of love.
I really miss us.

December 21st. Winter solstice. Longest night of the year. Day with most darkness. I'm getting old and lonely. Bring on the twilight.

to zip a small hint of a threat

I'm sure you have a lovely heart that tastes really good and looks great in a dress.

I'm afraid that there's no need to force me... so... ... i'll take you up on that... some time - if you wouldn't have forced an other girl till then. I really lived that Freudian slip.
... buuuuut i need a human juicer so that i can produce this special-flavored ice cream.
... oh man, another innocent soul was taken by such a shitty psychical diseases....... it shattered me everytime, when i hear that someone had to go by psychical diseases. I guess, you know... my stepfather had the same... his demons have eaten him up.
Sorry... i'm so sorry... i still wish... i could....... would... fuck....... i'm crying. Life is such a big fat pile of shit.

Mine eyes have drank up all they can of your form.
Nothing left to do but grasp it betwixt mine own two hands.
Firmly. But with mercy. and Tenderness.
Now is when I make a sound someplace between a sigh and a growl.
Experiencing intense dehydration, skyrocketing blood sugar, fever dreams, accepting spiritual punishment, enduring bizarre and disgusting pain.

I know the meaning of pipe dreams. in German we call it: Luftschlösser such as castles in the air.
I thought a bubblegum freak is someone who loves it when a girl sucks his dick with a chewing gum in her mouth.

The flesh is paramount. What it comes encased in is merely window-dressing. Frilly underthings should beware my teeth.

hmmm, i am a fat cow with a bunch of pimples, the painters are in my basement (monthlies), i am going to lose my job and stuff like that.
Life is like a whore - she fucks around with the human souls like a whore does it with her johns. BUT, the art is: not to pay for every single fuck (with your life)... to escape your soul from all the dirt in life.

Fuck the tour, need to schedule a tour of your bed.

Be my knight. Free me from my fetters. And take me with you to the place where you want to settl down.

The same sad goddamn story. Money is greased to me now; won't even stay in my grip.
... your scent dazed my senses. What a fucking hell.
I went to the hospital this night, because of huge pain in my head and in my stomach. I've puked a few times. So, they told me that i was dehydrated, so i had to get an infusion. Ugh. I could still puke and my head feels like as if i had drunk two bottles of whiskey. I can't eat, or sleep.

Oh man I’m so sorry you're sick. I bet you're gorgeous even when face down in a toilet bowl. I'd hold your hair anytime, baby.

(th'r'oat) ... i never wish death so much like i want him now.
I want to die in your stomach.

That was supposed to be blood dripping from my mouth.
The reason I became a werewolf vampire ghost was so I wouldn't have any feelings. They lied to me!
Painfully human.
Frail sickly pale diseased rotting from the inside human wreck.
with a wicked sense of humor; a saving grace.

There are times in our lifes where we aren't able to add more than a little sigh after something that leaves you speechless.
... if only i could bring your heart back to the track of love.

Have you ever been stoned? Have you ever been fat? Do you ever wear skirt or dresses? Do you have a best friend? Why is my S key dying?

Pretty embarrassing to read this novel... i mean, i found tons of grammatical errors. Would you do me a favor? Please, amend my sentences. That will help to improve my English. Oh, btw: I know that I must write the 'I' with a capital letter.

I like your neck.

#1: The window to my home #2: Our TV tower #3: A small but beautiful theater on my street
Do you remember where i've lost my key?

Put yr head on my chest-pillow.

A notion separated by an ocean.


What's a headcracker? Someone who loves to crack heads?
A message isn't as good as a massage.
Oh, thanx, Mr. Taciturn.
Did you know that i love wild birds!?

My young dunnock.
My blue tit.
My great tit.
And the sweetest robin on earth!

You wanted to see my life and some things that surround me - there it is - there they are.

Such like: Greenfinch, great spotted woodpecker, tree creeper, magpie and etc.
... i love almost every animal on earth... but i am not so into spiders... arachnophobia! ... and i don't like gnats.

Tree creeper!

Birdsongs are as wonderful as pictures of birds!
... oh, take you time skinny bumble-bee.
... ha. My quality as a thief isn't that good.
... oh stop... i didn't know if you are in the mood for such melodies........ i mean, you know that i am very open when it comes to stuff that is related to the heart and etc.
What a short night. Phew. I am at work since 5 hours - my head smokes as heavy as a bong.
What exactly may i find behind that line if i'd pull apart every syllable of it? Put it in a nutshell.
Btw: I've gotten a few extra pounds on my hips and belly during the last weeks. I feel like a super-fat cow. Moo!
And you, Mr. Skinny?
Your voice is like honey. I had a dream about you last night. It was pretty weird but I distinctly remember having my hands on your hips.
You sounded like you were whispering to me under a blanket, just our bodies and breath to keep us warm.

... i usually have a ready tongue....... but she loses the touch with my vocabulary when it comes to such excitatory statements.

Old & grey, no. Time is of the essence. A good plan? Probably not. But I've pulled off a few things in my life. You must conceptualize, reduce, boil. Life is alchemy. Love is the gold.
Ominous, a coming storm. Cleansing waves.

... i bet, another piece of your sweet confection and i'll feel the death by chocolate.

So effortlessly buoyant. I wish I could float on that feeling forever.
This longing for you is growing....untenable.

... there's really only one thing i can say in that very touching moment: You bring me back to life again. I'm speechless.
but... sometimes i think we are walking on the same path - hand in hand - and then, in the next moment it feels like as if we had lost the contact because you are on Neptune and i am on Mars. ...
I want your voice - now.

Ahhhh, there you are. I think about you often. You're like an itch I can't scratch. How was your summer? How are you? I missed you. You are a source of longing, a lake of placid water, cool and reflecting and too beautiful to touch.
Someone should print out our correspondence and make a pretty little sad book with it.

But today, i couldn't resist to send a message. I've missed you so much. And now i'm very glad to read your typed voice again. It's kinda soothing for the mind.

It is/was so out of balance that it was making me dizzy.
Like all of us, he had his demons.

Please keeping your fingers crossed that everything will turn out fine. I worry about to get an inflammation.

Now that sounds like a nice damn dream. You should go back to sleep and live there.

I'm so glad but as you can assume the tension was very heavy that's why i should better go to bed now.
Life is wonderful when I read stories like this. Maybe I've lost this information somewhere in my muddled brain. Thank you for sharing such private stuff with me.

I just want to clasp some of your flesh in my hand, is that so much to ask?

... holy jeez... that would be incredibly nice. Phew... i can imagine it - 
... she's so starved out................I wanna taste your spit.
... how would you name your own candy shop?
A store where you'd sell thousand different candies.
I think it's a perfect plan to kill 2 birds with one stone... or so.
Sugar will the death of me, but sex might just save my life.

Kinda like a well-dressed felled tree. really fucks my soul so hard that I can't even think of something else than my demons and the past.
Music is definitely the healing force... but L can do its rest. The combination of 
 both can heal a broken soul...
... I'm melting... these collarbones...

It's all an act. My head is barely above water.
Like most fiction, it's a combination of both.

But I know I'm pretty ugly at times.

Shut your mouth.

Volcanic body eruption?
I wish I could destroy all these things which tortures your body.
Maybe I could crawl 'em away with my fingertips?
Or scratch 'em out of your veins with my nails?

I like the way how you talk yourself into a rage.
Sometimes it's like as if I'm standing in front of a big mountain when I wanted to respond on a statement (like: 'I carry you with me'):

I am wondering, can only two people perform an orgy? Or does an orgy has more participants?

Prettiest girl in the shittiest world.

You, me and the sunset.

You can use my voice whenever you want.

Gimme that thing. I'll read it for you.

There's something wrong with my heart.


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